Have you ever been watching a movie.. where there are two sides facing off. Two teams, two groups. They are all lined up against each other, ready to spring... and then suddenly someone from one team turns around and takes a stand against their now FORMER team. Ok so maybe this doesn't happen in movies all the time... in fact I had a very hard time finding any kind of graphics that would show even two teams lined up.. other than football. Which is worthless to my point. Anyway.. I feel like I'm the guy in the middle who just switched teams.
So we've had a crazy few weeks with Lil Guy and his case. We all got sick right before vacation. The bigger boys got better before we left. Lil Guy was better just by the skin of his nose. Nearly hospitalized for his cough getting so bad.. but he improved and got the AOK for travel. I got sick like 2 days before leaving.. and felt terrible still for the first day or two. But we all survived.
2 days before leaving .. I got a call from a caseworker. There was an incident. With uncle.. I'm not sure what I posted before and can't say much anyway but lets just say it put his character, safety, etc in question. He ofcourse denied it.. appalled.. So he was told to go jump through a few hoops. He hesitated just long enough for us all to doubt the truth of his denial.. which was a pretty lame one anyway. He had already had his visits diminished from 2xwk to once a week... now after not showing up two times consecutively with no phone calls, excuses or reasoning.. they are cancelled until further notice. Which means he hasn't seen Lil Guy in about a month. NONE of this looks good for him. NONE of this will help his case. He is apparently getting a lawyer.. still not sure what he'll try to use him for as I'm pretty sure the lawyer will quickly as a few basic questions: Are you doing visits? Are you showing up? Wait you did WHAT? And did you do XYZ when they suggested it? No? Then how exactly am I defending you and for what? Anyway.. thats my vent. Which I've done a lot lately.. probably more often than I should. BUT the whole ordeal was kind of hysterical.
SO as you can tell... I'm switching sides.. And the cool part is.. I'm TOTALLY at peace with it.
I really struggled with my frustration with Uncle when it all has been going down. I had stuck my neck out and gotten him more visits.. I have been driving my whole brood across town for HIS sake to let HIM get to know Lil Guy. I have assumed the best, and maintained a positive relationship as best I can. and I will continue to do that for as long as I am required. But... I feel like God has revealed enough truth about his situation, choices, heart, desires, priorities.. that I no longer feel the need to advocate for him. To give him advice. I've always been on Lil Guy's side.. but now the defensive posture is changed.. It's like I've always had Lil Guy in my arms, holding him tight to me.. and for a while I was on Uncle's side.. holding Lil Guy close but on the defensive against those prejudging uncle.. who I still respect as someone stepping up for a baby that's not his. But now I've spun.. and now I'm looking him in the eye. If he wants me on his side again.. he's got a lot of convincing to do.. and this side has a waaaay bigger team.
So I feel peaceful.. I'm ok with it. I feel like I was faithful with my attitude towards his potential reunification.. UNTIL I saw the evidence that it was NOT the best choice for Lil Guy. And I think God agrees. I've been praying about it a lot.. and I just keep hearing that there was purpose in testing my heart, purpose in building rapport, purpose in the process. So I'm hanging tight to Lil Guy. I honestly think Uncle will probably be losing his chances here shortly.. there have been red flags in a LOT of areas for him so he really needed to keep his nose clean (figuratively and literally) to have a chance.
Tomorrow is his first Permanency hearing since a few months ago when we basically knew nothing about everything. Now we know Mom is severely out of the picture (and currently in jail), Dad is still an unknown, and Uncle's... well.. not showing up. After that.. they'll have to spend the rest of the alotted year to "actively search" for other potential kin or fictive kin. So far noone else has spoken up or they have been rejected due to other CPS involvement. If at a year noone steps up, he can be freed up for adoption and we'll get first honors... So be praying tomorrow please.
That I can have continued faith in the system.. at least with our own case workers and their diligence and openness with us.
That the caseworkers truly get to see accurately all the potential pitfalls in Uncle, that God would continue to bring things to light. The whole dumb incident was a TOTAL God thing. I still can't even believe it.
That the judges, lawyers and other advocates would see the whole picture. That we would continue to have favor and that Lil Guy's improvement and flourishing is evident. That they would not fear us having 4 little ones, but see that we are able, capable, willing and waiting.
For Lil Guy, that he would continue to grow and learn, getting healthier by the day and never feel a drop of the frustration, impatience, or junk that has accompanied his case. That he'd have divine emotional healing and protection from the whole situation.
Love you guys. Pray please. And thank you.
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