Lil Guy got shots yesterday at his 6 month appointment. Here's what that means...
1) I'm grateful I'm allowed to give homeopathics (Like Hyland's Teething Tablets, or just straight Arnica Montana to help with the pain.. since we are NOT allowed to give OTC medication.. which you aren't really supposed to give anyway after shots.. but I'm pretty sure most moms do)
2) I'm also grateful for Lavender essential oils (I use Doterra. I don't worry about my babies. I slather them in this stuff. I swear its why Otto never got sick.. ok barely ever)
3)I'm grateful for husbands who wake up and make coffee and say I'm sorry that night was so rough.
4) We've had Lil Guy for SIX MONTHS and there finally SOME progression in his case.. more on that later.
5.) I'm 6 months pregnant. Because Lil guy was basically born on conception day much to our surprise. This baby is due just a few days shy of Lil Guy's 9 month birthday.
6) I basically don't sleep. Between M waking because he is 19 months, Otto waking because of nightmares or peeing through his pullup and Lil Guy's night feeding (and usually one cry back to sleep).. oh and pregnancy bladder.. I don't sleep. and I basically never will.. for like 5 years. I'm ok with that, but I do love all the starbucks and caffeination my friends provide.
7) We are halfway through the first year of Lil Guys life.. which means we are halfway to a termination hearing, halfway to the potential for adoption and halfway to hoping. And that.. is becoming more real.. and more exciting.. and more terrifying day by day.
Here's some basic information you need to know about kids in fostercare:
In the state of Texas (and most if not all other states) bioparents have 1 year to attempt reunification, complete services or show up in the case of an unknown father (like our case); CPS has one year to work the plan and search for possible kinship care if the bio parents are uninterested or not allowed due to whatever circumstances (both like our case). Here's a link to a timeline for Texas CPS Removal of a Child. This was super helpful to me because I couldn't believe we we JUST had our 180 day permanency hearing and we wouldn't have another for 4 months.. but I guess... that's the normal thing.
Also.. in order to adopt a child from foster care..they have to have lived with you for at least 6 months. So CHECK THAT BOX OFF!!!
As far as our situation goes..
- When they first called they asked if we would take an emergency placement that already had two family members interested in taking Lil Guy.. One who mom had already made a verbal agreement with prior to birth. Our adoption chances were super low.. but would we be willing? I was hesitant to take on a Preemie with potential medical issues and nearly zero chance of adoption.. but Justin said "We said from the start.. if they offer we accept.. and trust God with the case". So we said yes.
-One month passed with no contact from uncle (Insert tiny tentative hope anchor into my soul.)
-Month two passed and Uncle showed up.. wanting visitation and doing "everything he could as quick as he could to get Lil Guy home." Including post pictures on FB of "daddy and baby". We struggled but it wasn't a surprise so we did our best to love Lil Guy and support Uncle in the small ways we could.
-Month Three and Four- Visits with Uncle.. kind of sporadic as he didn't show up or cancelled multiple times. He still hadn't turned in all the required paperwork to submit the home study.. and the case couldn't move forward until all that happened. Caseworkers said.. we'll know in six weeks one way or the other. Other caseworker said it was only a 50/50 chance that uncle would get him (This was a drastic change from the "most likely" scenario we were presented with. (insert hope anchor number two into my soul)
-Month Five and Six- Uncle made some dumb mistakes, stopped showing up for visits, but started yelling Lawyer Lawyer so the caseworkers were trying to be very careful with the case.
End of month Six: CURRENT STATUS Aug 16. Caseworkers have moved on from uncle.. but have not notified him. There is another family member who has been contacted and given a kinship packet. We have hit our minimum of time lived with us that will allow for adoption if parental rights are terminated. We have made our willingness clear. We have favor with the CASA representatives. We have favor with the case workers.
Looking forward:
The next permanency hearing is in December. At that point.. they will begin the termination of parental rights process. If there has been approved kin found... Lil Guy will be placed with them (he would restart his 6months in the home requirement with Kin and Kin will still be under watch from CPS via home visits etc as in typical foster care) If no kin is found or approved.. Termination hearing will be set. Mom and Unknown Father's rights will be terminated at the 1 year hearing (in February) and Lil Guy will be open for adoption. AND WE WILL BE THE TOP OF THE LIST!
INSERT GIANT HOPE ANCHOR.
So Here's the thing. Once Hope Anchors.. its super hard to move from that spot. A lot harder to reel back in than it is to drop. And it's incredibly humbling. And terrifying. We went from a 10% chance of adoption.. to 50%... then 75% .. and now I feel like we are somewhere between 60% to 90%. Depending on how this cousin pans out..
Last thing: We have been super lucky/blessed with our case workers. and the relatively drama free nature of this case. No childhood trauma issues, no crazy or defensive bio parents, cordial relationship with kin, fairly easy medical outcomes and developmental outcomes for Lil Guy, fairly clear case plan, favor with our workers, perfect holy timing with a million factors that only God could orchestrate so beautifully. We are only now beginning to scratch the surface of what typical foster parents endure.
I still have a heart for foster care. not just adoption... not just Lil Guy and we're done. But we will probably have to take a break after Abe is born.. just cuz.. 4 kids 4 and under = me going batty + Justin deploying next year. We will be open for Legal Risk (nearly terminated or high probability of termination of rights and thus already open or nearly open for adoption) and Adoption cases only. but probably not just foster care cases for a while.
So prayer requests:
- Still having hearts for Lil Guy's best interest.. not just our desire to adopt the lil chunk.
- Trusting God with our big boy's hearts if Lil Guy goes.
- Allowing ourselves to hope that he gets to stay with us.. and beginning to pray fervently for that outcome because we believe that it IS the best outcome that we are currently aware of.
- Allowing myself to be open to the fact that cousin could be an amazing mother/believer for Lil Guy.. and not to be prejudiced against her due to those stinky hope anchors I'm struggling to reel in.
- Prayer for the timing of potential adoptive placements, and Lil Guy's potential adoption.. in conjunction with Justin's deployment next summer.
-Prayer for Abe's birth and the transition to 4 kids 4 and under. Like.. will I survive?
Love you all!
