Adoption Day! Late. Sorry.

Introducing... Daniel Josiah Herbe! We finalized our adoption on May 1st, 2017. 

We are Thrilled. 

Before I show you some of the photos from the adoption.. lets take a  look at our year with him. Pictures I couldn't previously post. Now I can share them!

At the hospital NICU during our overnight visit. 

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Headed to our house.. his home..unknowingly his forever home. 

A happy joyful little guy. Growing big and strong. Slight delays... but nothing uncommon for a preemie. 

We are so blessed to be a part of our church family here. They really "showed up" for us, whether physically or in spirit over the course of the year. Through childcare, help at home, encouragement, friendship, and just loving on our Danny Bear despite his unknowns. This is a happy ending for Danny. He didn't just gain OUR family. He gained a whole church family as well. We are so excited to see Danny grow up in his "home town". We are excited to stick around here and be a part of this community. I am nervous but thrilled to navigate getting to know biofam if possible. 

We are sad to miss out on the chance to have a relationship with biomom, but God has been kind in so many ways. He'll take care of Danny. He'll help him through that loss when the time comes to learn about it. I have no doubts about his love for him. 

Biomom has passed away. Belated post.

It has taken me a month to really process this. To give myself time, and honestly the whole family time to grieve.

It is strange to grieve over someone who I barely know, someone I only met once.

Lil Guy's Biomom died a few weeks ago. She was 25 I believe. We think she OD'd. She had only been released from prison a month earlier, was living in a hotel. Found unconscious. Found Alone.

My caseworker emailed me that day, telling me briefly in an email something like: "{Biomom} died this weekend. So sad. I'll tell you more when I know". I burst into tears.

An hour later.. "She hasn't passed yet, she's on life support in the hospital. They found family to help determine end of life care" (aka who will pull the plug).  I burst into prayer.

Save her. If not her body then PLEASE SAVE HER SOUL!! I so badly want Lil Guy to see her in heaven. All I could do was pray that in her "coma" she had a chance to get herself right with the Lord. To meet him, and submit her soul to his hands. Because clearly.. she wasn't living a life right with him. Clearly, she was entrapped in drugs and addiction. Clearly.. she was not living as one saved and set apart.  I prayed so hard during those days.

We toyed with the idea of visiting. I know a few others including my sweet pastor's wife Kathleen.. whose heart for Lil Guy rivals my own.  Alas we were too late. By the time I started figuring out logistics to do it.. I found out via her family's FB pages.. that she had passed. I burst into tears again.

My sons asked me what was wrong, why was I so sad. And I told them. Lil Guys other mama died.. she made bad choices, she got sick, and she died. They asked if we could meet her in heaven some day, and with a heavy, choked up heart, I tried to explain that I didn't think we would. And we prayed together. I prayed with them that she had met God and trusted him with her life. They prayed that she loved Jesus too and was with Him. and we all hugged Lil Guy. and tried to let him know as often as we could that he was Safe, and he was Loved and he was Good. Forever.

My heart is broken still. I had such hopes. I had plans for writing letters over the years and saving them in a book. I had plans for slowly sharing the gospel. Plans I had already begun by writing tidbits of our faith in our letter, and giving her a gospel tract. Small seeds for sowing, and hopefully God was doing the growing. I had ideas in my head about hearing from her in 5 years to find out she'd been sober and clean, and getting her world together. Visiting, building relationship and mothering her into our lives. None of that can happen now. And I'm so sad. Honestly it hurts too because I think I was acting very proud about my plans. High and mighty with my desires to love  her into salvation and sobriety. So there's that piece of humility in the midst of grief that got me. I wanted to see her life transformed for Lil Guy's sake.

The one shining light in the midst of it .. is the window into their family that has been opened. I got to message with uncle via facebook, tell him I'm praying for him and his family, and to send some updated pictures. He wants to be a part of Lil Guy's life.... but is understanding of taking it slowly. I'm tightfisted with my babies.. and blood ties doesn't change that. But we'll start getting to know them and building trust over time. I'm happy we'll be staying in El Paso. It will help with all of it.

So here we are. A month out from adoption. Deceased mom. Unknown father. Ward of the State. My lil sweet orphan. In all senses of the word. Yet he is loved. He is home. He is our son. We are thrilled and saddened equally.

Lil Guy is Walking.. and it's kind of epic.

I hate the crawling phase.

I HATE IT.

Dirty hands, frustrated babies, scraped knees and feet, more fits and fights than anything I've ever experienced. It's obnoxious. And Lil Guy has outlasted all my others in his non-walking endeavors.

Until NOW.

He can still only Frankenstein for about 6 steps tops but he is SOOOOOO happy about it!

And So am I.

Now I can carry Abe in one arm and "toddle" Lil Guy to the car.
He can get from place to place with his milk/toy/paci and not scream when he wants to come to me with them. He can bring them himself!!

He can keep up with the boys and keep his HANDS off the floor, his KNEES off the concrete and his sweet little toenails won't be all chopped up.

Also.. we get to celebrate. Because this was the final milestone to show us that Lil Guy... despite his rough preemie start.. his drug exposure.. his consistent delays... is RIGHT ON TRACK. He is 14 months.. and walking independently. It seems like he was late because my other boys started around 10 months.. but we are assured he may be at the end of the range but that everything seems to show he is right on target in all areas. AND THIS IS A MIRACLE.

I will still keep an eye out for sensory issues, and emotion control issues.. those seem to crop up later in exposed babies.. but for now we are praising, and delighting in how much protection God had over him..

Technically I can't share his name via blog until next month.. but I'll just say he's named after a certain someone who survived a certain biblical lion's den.

And the name couldn't fit him any better. He was literally in a lion's den in the womb. With angry lions (drug exposure, violence, alcohol, cigarettes etc) all around him.. and God protected him. He had zero signs of withdrawal.. and only Preemie related lung issues.. which now that he has weaned off formula to whole milk.. most of the asthma has resolved.

So we are so proud, and so thrilled and sooooo excited to see how he continues to thrive.

Love covers all sins. God saves. God protects. God has good for us. Believe it.

Getting Closer to Lil Guy's Adoption

We still don't have an official date yet. But we are 99% sure Lil Guy's adoption will be the end of this month. Meanwhile on the farm....

-Biomom died last month of what we assume is an OD. So Incredibly Sad. So hard to process.
-Uncle and I have communicated once or twice.. I am hoping for a relationship to happen there.. slowly and cautiously.
- We are buying a house and staying in the El Paso Area. Which is kind of nuts. But thrilling.
-Justin is exiting the military.. it has been a long road but God is kind in it all.
- And I am looking for income sources to help us through the gaps. So I'm dabbling with ideas in all sorts of areas. I'll get to that in another post.. but it's weird to think about working again.

I'm super excited to get to Lil Guy's adoption date.. and be done with CPS for awhile. Due to our move our foster home will close and if we want to pursue adoption in the future it will be through the state of New Mexico.. since our address will be Anthony, NM. It is PERFECT timing. I'll still try to blog and may shift gears a bit in topics but we WILL open our home to kids again some day. I think with our littles being so LITTLE I am at my end point of energy and focus.. I would like to get our home, work, education worlds set and settled in our new place.. and in a few years once our house is up to code again we can pursue foster care.

In the meantime.. I think I want to write. I know I'm not an awesome writer. I know I'm not a perfect parent. But I love to share insight and advice with other mamas. I like to synthesize all the various ways moms get things done and help people find solutions and ideas to what THEY struggle with day to day in the world of babies and toddlers and kiddos and husbands and cleaning etc. Most of the time I get ideas that sound great and they never get long term implemented. Or I realize afterwards JUST how labor intensive that chore chart is with a 2 year old. Or how obnoxious the 15 minute potty timer really is.

Essentially, I'm a very practical, realistic and LAZY mom when it comes to prioritizing my minute to minute life. And I think I want to write about what really works. What I see others do that works for them. And find out what realistic parenting is. When Pinterest fades and the rubber ducky meets the road. Cuz most of the time.. our expectations get tossed with a new phase, development, shift, time change, sickness etc.

I want to know what things pass the test of time and change.. I have a few that have made it through the years. I think they might be fun to share. I wish I had known them before I had kids. Unfortunately you can't always big brother style watch people in their homes to TRULY see what works, rather than what's pinned and shared at the start.

Who knows maybe tomorrow my whim will shift. Most likely in fact. If you have any thoughts, ideas or "I wish I knew abouts" I'd love to hear them. I'd love to figure out what people really want to know.

30 days later.

Yesterday was February 27... a month from the day of official TPR. A month from the last time Lil Guy may ever see his biomom. Though I pray that's not the case. A month from the first time I ever laid eyes on his sweet momma. A month from the time my heart broke.

Lil Guy is now "legally free",  a ward of the state. An orphan.

We are working with lawyers to get the adoption processed and scheduled. The earliest we can schedule it is 90 days from TPR date.. Essentially end of May. So that's where we're at.

Meanwhile.. we are discussing if and to what we could/might/probably won't change his  name.
And how nice it will be to be in control of his healthcare, change him to the same pediatrician as the big boys. It would be nice to get a better non medicated handle on his "asthma". It will be nice to be off medicaid/wic though that was a blessing and not as much of a curse as I expected.

 Lil Guy turned 1 last week too. In the midst of it all it was sort of a sweet moment for us to celebrate his 1st birthday, and his first birthday WITH us. You know what I mean :) We didn't go crazy.. We are pretty low key with birthdays in our house.. especially when kiddos are little. I don't honestly think I even got a good photo.. Though the above pic without the glasses and crazy nose was a good one. And a great smile. If you cross your eyes you can almost see his sweet face.. But don't tell me its easy because then I'll have to take it down. I can't wait to share some good face photos once he's a legit Herbe. I appreciate all those who are against posting photos of their kids. I'm not one of them :) Sorry boys.

Love you all. Thank you for your prayers for us. We've gotten it easy and have seen such favor. I give credit only to God and all your sweet praying hearts. So thank you!!

Keep praying for Lil Guy as he moves out of the system and into our family. Pray for Biomom. Pray for me with all 4. It's a long hard day of refereeing and bodily functions some times.

I'll be posting soon on our experience with licensing. Holy Cow that was stressful.

Full Quiver

So Justin and I have been talking.. I'm totally inundated with baby town. 4,2,1 and newborn. But it is going really well. The other day I babysat a 5, 4 and 18month old in addition to my 4 and it was so fun!!  It got me thinking. Is my quiver full? 

If you have no clue what I'm talking about then read this passage:

3Children are a heritage from the Lord,

offspring a reward from him.

4Like arrows in the hands of a warrior

are children born in one’s youth.

5Blessed is the man

whose quiver is full of them.  Psalm 127:3-5

I have had a few people in my life, amazing Godly respectable women who have referred to this verse in the sense of God's planning your family size. At what point is your quiver full? Is there a point at which you feel called to limit your family size. Some believe that God will naturally stop your child bearing and "close your womb" for you... and doing so yourself through birth control or sterilization is wrong. Others believe that at some point we just feel like our "quiver is full" and those options are now not only viable but an obedience to God's plan for our family size. It's a tricky spot. 

Here's where I'm at. I like having 4 boys. I don't feel the need to "try" for a girl. In fact I'm kind of relieved I have 4 boys. I am not a girly girl. I don't even want to deal with frills. I am not opposed to adopting a girl if a need arose, I just don't feel like I need to keep "trying" for one. Also.. I still feel like God wants foster care to be a part of our future. Sooner or later depending on how things work out... I would like to be open to placements again. At this point we are taking a break except for cases our home worker thinks would be a perfect fit or an adoption scenario. Honestly... I'm kind of ok with not adopting again unless the need is there. I would LOVE to foster again.. I want to help kids who need homes.. but most states have a maximum of 6 children in the home as their cap number. If we have more bio or foster babies we would lose our chance at fostering again. 

So when it boils down to it.. I like having 4 boys.. and 2 open spots for potential future foster babies. Then again... I will NOT say no if a child needs a home and adoption is an option. 

My friend Melani.. who has been tremendous encouragement to my heart and vision for orphan care.. told me just the other day.. not for the first time.. but the first time my heart "got it".... that SHE would never say no to a placement.. if CPS or the agency said no.. then fine.. but she couldn't say no to a child who needs a home.  I admire her dedication to that.. and she's obviously lived it out. 

Pray for us as we think through timing on accepting placements again, and if our quiver is full.. 

Pray that more and more homes would open to foster and adopting these kiddos. 

Pray that we can spur each other on to sacrifice and service to the "least" of these.. to the orphans and the widows. 

IT'S HAPPENING

This time last year we were just getting our homestudy done. I was in and out of doctors and physical therapy to decide if I needed shoulder surgery or not. Micaiah had just turned 1. We were expecting to get our license early March, but not get any calls for a few weeks to months after. Little did we know.

Today was mediation day. Biomom, who is incarcerated currently, had a bench warrant to show up to the mediation and was kept in a separate room. We were not able to meet her. I barely caught a glimpse of the back of her head and her prison uniform as she was marched past at the very end. Let me back up a bit though.. because the whole thing amazes me. God's kindness and favor was so rich today it was nearly humorous.

About a week and a half ago we were scheduled for mediation.. everyone kept saying "I don't really know why we are doing it, her termination is a foregone conclusion by all parties.". I wasn't sure what to expect because no one really talked about the nitty gritty assuming I've done all this before I guess. We were ALL very ill with the flu and poor lil guy was like a zombie with his double eye/ear infection and bronchiolitis. I did NOT want to have to leave him to infect a babysitter.. but they didn't want me to bring him either. I prayed HARD the meeting would be rescheduled. And it did. Biomom was not able to get to the mediation in time from prison across state so they rescheduled for today. (THANK YOU JESUS). We all got better. We are all healthy as horse today. Even Lil Guy.. which is rare.

All week people kept checking in and calling to see if we were coming to the mediation. Still no one gave me a real picture of what this was going to be like or why we were doing it. Finally our blessed CASA supervisor spent an hour on the phone helping me work through details to have a better idea what to expect. I was so grateful. She gave me exact instructions on entering the building, where to park, where to wait, who would be there, what would happen, a general idea on how long it would take and if it would make sense to bring new baby or not. He's nursing and not taking bottles well so would I be able to bring him, check on him if I leave him in the hall with a sitter etc.  Finally thanks to awesome friends, Shannon watched all 4 boys with the help of one of my friends 10 year old daughters. Poor Abe still threw a fit or two.. but I figured out later the cause was NOT Shannon or my absence but the need to fill a diaper.. or rather overflow it. Anyway.. moving on.. Thank you babysitters. THANKS JESUS for giving me such an awesome support network.

Also.. Praise God Justin could come. He was able to come straight from work and be there for the mediation. Which was a blessing to my heart to have them see us both there as a team advocating for Lil Guy.

I made it to the specific parking lot -->Building-->Floor-->Hall--> Waiting area and found Lil Guy's caseworker. As I sat there I overheard all the lawyers yuckin it up over their cases like noone was within hearing distance.. "Which kid you got? He the newborn on drugs or the toddler with a broken arm?" and various other impersonal comments. Sad. Luckily we liked our Ad Litem (Lil Guy's lawyer). Not Luckily.. Praise God for that too. She was sweet and good at her job I heard. Biomom's attorney was a nice guy but kind of whacky. I think he was a hippy disguised as a lawyer. He had a tie with frogs on it and a beat up burlap messenger bag for his briefcase. Pretty sloppy.. but a nice guy all around. It seemed like a pretty relaxed group of lawyers to begin with. I guess you'd need a sense of humor working in family law.

We were all escorted back to the "jury room". Biomom was held in a room next door. We never saw her except in passing as I mentioned. I never saw her face.

We were all seated and it was a very awkward silence pretty much the majority of the time.. We waited a bit.
 The mediator came in about 15 minutes late.. got the run down from CPS lawyer, Biomom's lawyer, Lil Guy's lawyer and the CASA. They asked us if we planned to adopt. Yes of course. He left and talked to biomom. We waited a bit.

Came back.. she had requested a way to contact us. I provided the letter with hard copy pictures and an email address she can connect with us at. She also requested a goodbye visit. We were willing to do that if possible so they had to sit and talk about how to make that happen.. Since she's technically incarcerated the visit would have to follow any rules dictated by the Sheriff's Office and the court. They'd have to ask the judge.. Sheriff's Office Deputy may say no. So we waited a bit.

Judge decided if he ordered it.. Sheriff's office had to figure it out. So the goodbye visit will happen Friday for 30 minutes during the final court hearing.

They typed up the final paperwork, and brought it to biomom.. We waited.

They came back.... Mom signed the relinquishment. We will see you Friday for the visit but you are not required for the final hearing. Unknown Father's rights will be terminated then as well. You will be free to adopt him 90 days after Friday's hearing.

We left about an hour after it started. All the parties were amazed at how fast, easy, clean the mediation was. We weren't surprised. God has given us favor through every turn in this case. Not that those with complicated cases don't have favor but we are AMAZED at his kindness to us with Lil Guy. There has been little to no drama. Peaceful hearts, very few complications, no extensions or appeals or what have you. Lil Guy will be freed for adoption BEFORE his first birthday and hopefully adopted by 15 months. I am just in AWE of God's graciousness to us.

Just know.. that if you are considering fostering.. or adopting through foster care.. WE ARE NOT A TYPICAL EXAMPLE!!! I feel like we cheated or something. I feel silly talking to other foster parents who've dealt with SO MUCH MORE than we have. Lil Guy may have more issues down the line, and plenty to work through... but I'll always be able to look back and see God's hand working at every turn to ensure his place as a HERBE!!

Pray for our final hearing on Friday.. Pray for Biomom's sweet heart as she loses her parental rights.. Pray we can adopt Lil Guy on day 91... Pray for a peaceful goodbye visit for biomom and lil guy.. Pray we can maintain a good relationship with her to the extent it is beneficial to Lil Guy.