We still don't have an official date yet. But we are 99% sure Lil Guy's adoption will be the end of this month. Meanwhile on the farm....
-Biomom died last month of what we assume is an OD. So Incredibly Sad. So hard to process.
-Uncle and I have communicated once or twice.. I am hoping for a relationship to happen there.. slowly and cautiously.
- We are buying a house and staying in the El Paso Area. Which is kind of nuts. But thrilling.
-Justin is exiting the military.. it has been a long road but God is kind in it all.
- And I am looking for income sources to help us through the gaps. So I'm dabbling with ideas in all sorts of areas. I'll get to that in another post.. but it's weird to think about working again.
I'm super excited to get to Lil Guy's adoption date.. and be done with CPS for awhile. Due to our move our foster home will close and if we want to pursue adoption in the future it will be through the state of New Mexico.. since our address will be Anthony, NM. It is PERFECT timing. I'll still try to blog and may shift gears a bit in topics but we WILL open our home to kids again some day. I think with our littles being so LITTLE I am at my end point of energy and focus.. I would like to get our home, work, education worlds set and settled in our new place.. and in a few years once our house is up to code again we can pursue foster care.
In the meantime.. I think I want to write. I know I'm not an awesome writer. I know I'm not a perfect parent. But I love to share insight and advice with other mamas. I like to synthesize all the various ways moms get things done and help people find solutions and ideas to what THEY struggle with day to day in the world of babies and toddlers and kiddos and husbands and cleaning etc. Most of the time I get ideas that sound great and they never get long term implemented. Or I realize afterwards JUST how labor intensive that chore chart is with a 2 year old. Or how obnoxious the 15 minute potty timer really is.
Essentially, I'm a very practical, realistic and LAZY mom when it comes to prioritizing my minute to minute life. And I think I want to write about what really works. What I see others do that works for them. And find out what realistic parenting is. When Pinterest fades and the rubber ducky meets the road. Cuz most of the time.. our expectations get tossed with a new phase, development, shift, time change, sickness etc.
I want to know what things pass the test of time and change.. I have a few that have made it through the years. I think they might be fun to share. I wish I had known them before I had kids. Unfortunately you can't always big brother style watch people in their homes to TRULY see what works, rather than what's pinned and shared at the start.
Who knows maybe tomorrow my whim will shift. Most likely in fact. If you have any thoughts, ideas or "I wish I knew abouts" I'd love to hear them. I'd love to figure out what people really want to know.
Tuesday, April 4, 2017
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
30 days later.
Lil Guy is now "legally free", a ward of the state. An orphan.
We are working with lawyers to get the adoption processed and scheduled. The earliest we can schedule it is 90 days from TPR date.. Essentially end of May. So that's where we're at.
Meanwhile.. we are discussing if and to what we could/might/probably won't change his name.
And how nice it will be to be in control of his healthcare, change him to the same pediatrician as the big boys. It would be nice to get a better non medicated handle on his "asthma". It will be nice to be off medicaid/wic though that was a blessing and not as much of a curse as I expected.
Love you all. Thank you for your prayers for us. We've gotten it easy and have seen such favor. I give credit only to God and all your sweet praying hearts. So thank you!!
Keep praying for Lil Guy as he moves out of the system and into our family. Pray for Biomom. Pray for me with all 4. It's a long hard day of refereeing and bodily functions some times.
I'll be posting soon on our experience with licensing. Holy Cow that was stressful.
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
Full Quiver
So Justin and I have been talking.. I'm totally inundated with baby town. 4,2,1 and newborn. But it is going really well. The other day I babysat a 5, 4 and 18month old in addition to my 4 and it was so fun!! It got me thinking. Is my quiver full?
If you have no clue what I'm talking about then read this passage:
If you have no clue what I'm talking about then read this passage:
3Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him.
4Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
5Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them. Psalm 127:3-5
I have had a few people in my life, amazing Godly respectable women who have referred to this verse in the sense of God's planning your family size. At what point is your quiver full? Is there a point at which you feel called to limit your family size. Some believe that God will naturally stop your child bearing and "close your womb" for you... and doing so yourself through birth control or sterilization is wrong. Others believe that at some point we just feel like our "quiver is full" and those options are now not only viable but an obedience to God's plan for our family size. It's a tricky spot.
Here's where I'm at. I like having 4 boys. I don't feel the need to "try" for a girl. In fact I'm kind of relieved I have 4 boys. I am not a girly girl. I don't even want to deal with frills. I am not opposed to adopting a girl if a need arose, I just don't feel like I need to keep "trying" for one. Also.. I still feel like God wants foster care to be a part of our future. Sooner or later depending on how things work out... I would like to be open to placements again. At this point we are taking a break except for cases our home worker thinks would be a perfect fit or an adoption scenario. Honestly... I'm kind of ok with not adopting again unless the need is there. I would LOVE to foster again.. I want to help kids who need homes.. but most states have a maximum of 6 children in the home as their cap number. If we have more bio or foster babies we would lose our chance at fostering again.
So when it boils down to it.. I like having 4 boys.. and 2 open spots for potential future foster babies. Then again... I will NOT say no if a child needs a home and adoption is an option.
My friend Melani.. who has been tremendous encouragement to my heart and vision for orphan care.. told me just the other day.. not for the first time.. but the first time my heart "got it".... that SHE would never say no to a placement.. if CPS or the agency said no.. then fine.. but she couldn't say no to a child who needs a home. I admire her dedication to that.. and she's obviously lived it out.
Pray for us as we think through timing on accepting placements again, and if our quiver is full..
Pray that more and more homes would open to foster and adopting these kiddos.
Pray that we can spur each other on to sacrifice and service to the "least" of these.. to the orphans and the widows.
IT'S HAPPENING
This time last year we were just getting our homestudy done. I was in and out of doctors and physical therapy to decide if I needed shoulder surgery or not. Micaiah had just turned 1. We were expecting to get our license early March, but not get any calls for a few weeks to months after. Little did we know.
Today was mediation day. Biomom, who is incarcerated currently, had a bench warrant to show up to the mediation and was kept in a separate room. We were not able to meet her. I barely caught a glimpse of the back of her head and her prison uniform as she was marched past at the very end. Let me back up a bit though.. because the whole thing amazes me. God's kindness and favor was so rich today it was nearly humorous.
About a week and a half ago we were scheduled for mediation.. everyone kept saying "I don't really know why we are doing it, her termination is a foregone conclusion by all parties.". I wasn't sure what to expect because no one really talked about the nitty gritty assuming I've done all this before I guess. We were ALL very ill with the flu and poor lil guy was like a zombie with his double eye/ear infection and bronchiolitis. I did NOT want to have to leave him to infect a babysitter.. but they didn't want me to bring him either. I prayed HARD the meeting would be rescheduled. And it did. Biomom was not able to get to the mediation in time from prison across state so they rescheduled for today. (THANK YOU JESUS). We all got better. We are all healthy as horse today. Even Lil Guy.. which is rare.
All week people kept checking in and calling to see if we were coming to the mediation. Still no one gave me a real picture of what this was going to be like or why we were doing it. Finally our blessed CASA supervisor spent an hour on the phone helping me work through details to have a better idea what to expect. I was so grateful. She gave me exact instructions on entering the building, where to park, where to wait, who would be there, what would happen, a general idea on how long it would take and if it would make sense to bring new baby or not. He's nursing and not taking bottles well so would I be able to bring him, check on him if I leave him in the hall with a sitter etc. Finally thanks to awesome friends, Shannon watched all 4 boys with the help of one of my friends 10 year old daughters. Poor Abe still threw a fit or two.. but I figured out later the cause was NOT Shannon or my absence but the need to fill a diaper.. or rather overflow it. Anyway.. moving on.. Thank you babysitters. THANKS JESUS for giving me such an awesome support network.
Also.. Praise God Justin could come. He was able to come straight from work and be there for the mediation. Which was a blessing to my heart to have them see us both there as a team advocating for Lil Guy.
I made it to the specific parking lot -->Building-->Floor-->Hall--> Waiting area and found Lil Guy's caseworker. As I sat there I overheard all the lawyers yuckin it up over their cases like noone was within hearing distance.. "Which kid you got? He the newborn on drugs or the toddler with a broken arm?" and various other impersonal comments. Sad. Luckily we liked our Ad Litem (Lil Guy's lawyer). Not Luckily.. Praise God for that too. She was sweet and good at her job I heard. Biomom's attorney was a nice guy but kind of whacky. I think he was a hippy disguised as a lawyer. He had a tie with frogs on it and a beat up burlap messenger bag for his briefcase. Pretty sloppy.. but a nice guy all around. It seemed like a pretty relaxed group of lawyers to begin with. I guess you'd need a sense of humor working in family law.
We were all escorted back to the "jury room". Biomom was held in a room next door. We never saw her except in passing as I mentioned. I never saw her face.
We were all seated and it was a very awkward silence pretty much the majority of the time.. We waited a bit.
The mediator came in about 15 minutes late.. got the run down from CPS lawyer, Biomom's lawyer, Lil Guy's lawyer and the CASA. They asked us if we planned to adopt. Yes of course. He left and talked to biomom. We waited a bit.
Came back.. she had requested a way to contact us. I provided the letter with hard copy pictures and an email address she can connect with us at. She also requested a goodbye visit. We were willing to do that if possible so they had to sit and talk about how to make that happen.. Since she's technically incarcerated the visit would have to follow any rules dictated by the Sheriff's Office and the court. They'd have to ask the judge.. Sheriff's Office Deputy may say no. So we waited a bit.
Judge decided if he ordered it.. Sheriff's office had to figure it out. So the goodbye visit will happen Friday for 30 minutes during the final court hearing.
They typed up the final paperwork, and brought it to biomom.. We waited.
They came back.... Mom signed the relinquishment. We will see you Friday for the visit but you are not required for the final hearing. Unknown Father's rights will be terminated then as well. You will be free to adopt him 90 days after Friday's hearing.
We left about an hour after it started. All the parties were amazed at how fast, easy, clean the mediation was. We weren't surprised. God has given us favor through every turn in this case. Not that those with complicated cases don't have favor but we are AMAZED at his kindness to us with Lil Guy. There has been little to no drama. Peaceful hearts, very few complications, no extensions or appeals or what have you. Lil Guy will be freed for adoption BEFORE his first birthday and hopefully adopted by 15 months. I am just in AWE of God's graciousness to us.
Just know.. that if you are considering fostering.. or adopting through foster care.. WE ARE NOT A TYPICAL EXAMPLE!!! I feel like we cheated or something. I feel silly talking to other foster parents who've dealt with SO MUCH MORE than we have. Lil Guy may have more issues down the line, and plenty to work through... but I'll always be able to look back and see God's hand working at every turn to ensure his place as a HERBE!!
Pray for our final hearing on Friday.. Pray for Biomom's sweet heart as she loses her parental rights.. Pray we can adopt Lil Guy on day 91... Pray for a peaceful goodbye visit for biomom and lil guy.. Pray we can maintain a good relationship with her to the extent it is beneficial to Lil Guy.
Today was mediation day. Biomom, who is incarcerated currently, had a bench warrant to show up to the mediation and was kept in a separate room. We were not able to meet her. I barely caught a glimpse of the back of her head and her prison uniform as she was marched past at the very end. Let me back up a bit though.. because the whole thing amazes me. God's kindness and favor was so rich today it was nearly humorous.
About a week and a half ago we were scheduled for mediation.. everyone kept saying "I don't really know why we are doing it, her termination is a foregone conclusion by all parties.". I wasn't sure what to expect because no one really talked about the nitty gritty assuming I've done all this before I guess. We were ALL very ill with the flu and poor lil guy was like a zombie with his double eye/ear infection and bronchiolitis. I did NOT want to have to leave him to infect a babysitter.. but they didn't want me to bring him either. I prayed HARD the meeting would be rescheduled. And it did. Biomom was not able to get to the mediation in time from prison across state so they rescheduled for today. (THANK YOU JESUS). We all got better. We are all healthy as horse today. Even Lil Guy.. which is rare.
All week people kept checking in and calling to see if we were coming to the mediation. Still no one gave me a real picture of what this was going to be like or why we were doing it. Finally our blessed CASA supervisor spent an hour on the phone helping me work through details to have a better idea what to expect. I was so grateful. She gave me exact instructions on entering the building, where to park, where to wait, who would be there, what would happen, a general idea on how long it would take and if it would make sense to bring new baby or not. He's nursing and not taking bottles well so would I be able to bring him, check on him if I leave him in the hall with a sitter etc. Finally thanks to awesome friends, Shannon watched all 4 boys with the help of one of my friends 10 year old daughters. Poor Abe still threw a fit or two.. but I figured out later the cause was NOT Shannon or my absence but the need to fill a diaper.. or rather overflow it. Anyway.. moving on.. Thank you babysitters. THANKS JESUS for giving me such an awesome support network.
Also.. Praise God Justin could come. He was able to come straight from work and be there for the mediation. Which was a blessing to my heart to have them see us both there as a team advocating for Lil Guy.
I made it to the specific parking lot -->Building-->Floor-->Hall--> Waiting area and found Lil Guy's caseworker. As I sat there I overheard all the lawyers yuckin it up over their cases like noone was within hearing distance.. "Which kid you got? He the newborn on drugs or the toddler with a broken arm?" and various other impersonal comments. Sad. Luckily we liked our Ad Litem (Lil Guy's lawyer). Not Luckily.. Praise God for that too. She was sweet and good at her job I heard. Biomom's attorney was a nice guy but kind of whacky. I think he was a hippy disguised as a lawyer. He had a tie with frogs on it and a beat up burlap messenger bag for his briefcase. Pretty sloppy.. but a nice guy all around. It seemed like a pretty relaxed group of lawyers to begin with. I guess you'd need a sense of humor working in family law.
We were all escorted back to the "jury room". Biomom was held in a room next door. We never saw her except in passing as I mentioned. I never saw her face.
We were all seated and it was a very awkward silence pretty much the majority of the time.. We waited a bit.
The mediator came in about 15 minutes late.. got the run down from CPS lawyer, Biomom's lawyer, Lil Guy's lawyer and the CASA. They asked us if we planned to adopt. Yes of course. He left and talked to biomom. We waited a bit.
Came back.. she had requested a way to contact us. I provided the letter with hard copy pictures and an email address she can connect with us at. She also requested a goodbye visit. We were willing to do that if possible so they had to sit and talk about how to make that happen.. Since she's technically incarcerated the visit would have to follow any rules dictated by the Sheriff's Office and the court. They'd have to ask the judge.. Sheriff's Office Deputy may say no. So we waited a bit.
Judge decided if he ordered it.. Sheriff's office had to figure it out. So the goodbye visit will happen Friday for 30 minutes during the final court hearing.
They typed up the final paperwork, and brought it to biomom.. We waited.
They came back.... Mom signed the relinquishment. We will see you Friday for the visit but you are not required for the final hearing. Unknown Father's rights will be terminated then as well. You will be free to adopt him 90 days after Friday's hearing.
We left about an hour after it started. All the parties were amazed at how fast, easy, clean the mediation was. We weren't surprised. God has given us favor through every turn in this case. Not that those with complicated cases don't have favor but we are AMAZED at his kindness to us with Lil Guy. There has been little to no drama. Peaceful hearts, very few complications, no extensions or appeals or what have you. Lil Guy will be freed for adoption BEFORE his first birthday and hopefully adopted by 15 months. I am just in AWE of God's graciousness to us.
Just know.. that if you are considering fostering.. or adopting through foster care.. WE ARE NOT A TYPICAL EXAMPLE!!! I feel like we cheated or something. I feel silly talking to other foster parents who've dealt with SO MUCH MORE than we have. Lil Guy may have more issues down the line, and plenty to work through... but I'll always be able to look back and see God's hand working at every turn to ensure his place as a HERBE!!
Pray for our final hearing on Friday.. Pray for Biomom's sweet heart as she loses her parental rights.. Pray we can adopt Lil Guy on day 91... Pray for a peaceful goodbye visit for biomom and lil guy.. Pray we can maintain a good relationship with her to the extent it is beneficial to Lil Guy.
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
Emails, Mediations, and other ramblings at 10pm.
Today I created a new email account for Lilguy. My intention is to send pictures to it for him.. and notes. But also to use it as a conduit for his bio fam to be able to contact him. If you have met, and fallen in love with our lil guy as much as we have, and you'd like to send him a note for his upcoming birthday.. I would love to share the email address with you. I know so many of you have poured your hearts out to him this past year, and it has blessed him immensely. What a treasure it would be for him to look back at his first .. and hopefully only... year in foster care to see all the people who have enjoyed, and cared for him.
Tomorrow I get to see Lilguy's lawyer. She hasn't managed to see him since he was just barely a week home with us. I'm sort of embarrassed that he'll be a total wreck since he's managed to have another flare up and is teething so he's coughing and hacking. Though honestly I've gotten used to it. I'm hoping to find a more natural way to kick the cough other than a dose of prednisone. Anyone have suggestions? Once we kick the wheeze it all tends to pass. Sorry.. side bar. It's late.
We all endured the plague this week. The flu was a mess for all of us. Only Abe and Otto have escaped unscathed thus far.. though Otto has been a wee dramatic about the whole ordeal and now assumes every waking minute is for netflix. Thank you netflix for babysitting my children. Can't you learn to hold a bottle? or lactate too? Maybe some day.
Ok.. back to reality.
The lawyer comes tomorrow.. because the mediation hearing is friday! Our CASA will be visiting within the week too. I don't know the details of what is happening at the mediation other than I know that its purpose is to expediate the termination and/or relinquishment of rights hearing that will be on January 27. So that's awesome. I'm hoping to dig up more details from the lawyer tomorrow. Hopefully she will see how settled and peaceful.. and clingy.. Lil Guy has become. He's truly at home here. It's all he's ever known!
So in about two weeks we will have a definitive answer but the likelihood is TPR and Legally Free for Adoption with our family as the primary suggestion! Everyone keeps asking us if we are still willing.. like with Abe here now we changed our minds?
Well.. we haven't. We are obviously willing, and thrilled for the chance to adopt.
Some days I consider getting respite care for him.. like when we all had the flu and I could barely stand let alone hold the monster long enough to feed him a bottle.. but then God reminds me I don't get respite care for my biological kids.. why should I feel like I can pass LG off to essentially strangers for my own convenience as well? We have plenty of folks who have offered to take a shift with the boys to help. and we almost took them up on it. But we managed. God was very VERY kind in allowing justin's quick recovery.. and sparing Otto and Abe from it.
As we speak LG's waking up in his crib.. not surprising since his cough is keeping him up, and he wouldn't drink his bedtime bottle. Pray he'll take one and sleep through the night. We all need a solid nights rest. Free from fevers, chills, boogers and bottles. Yeah right. :)
Love you all.
Tomorrow I get to see Lilguy's lawyer. She hasn't managed to see him since he was just barely a week home with us. I'm sort of embarrassed that he'll be a total wreck since he's managed to have another flare up and is teething so he's coughing and hacking. Though honestly I've gotten used to it. I'm hoping to find a more natural way to kick the cough other than a dose of prednisone. Anyone have suggestions? Once we kick the wheeze it all tends to pass. Sorry.. side bar. It's late.
We all endured the plague this week. The flu was a mess for all of us. Only Abe and Otto have escaped unscathed thus far.. though Otto has been a wee dramatic about the whole ordeal and now assumes every waking minute is for netflix. Thank you netflix for babysitting my children. Can't you learn to hold a bottle? or lactate too? Maybe some day.
Ok.. back to reality.
The lawyer comes tomorrow.. because the mediation hearing is friday! Our CASA will be visiting within the week too. I don't know the details of what is happening at the mediation other than I know that its purpose is to expediate the termination and/or relinquishment of rights hearing that will be on January 27. So that's awesome. I'm hoping to dig up more details from the lawyer tomorrow. Hopefully she will see how settled and peaceful.. and clingy.. Lil Guy has become. He's truly at home here. It's all he's ever known!
So in about two weeks we will have a definitive answer but the likelihood is TPR and Legally Free for Adoption with our family as the primary suggestion! Everyone keeps asking us if we are still willing.. like with Abe here now we changed our minds?
Well.. we haven't. We are obviously willing, and thrilled for the chance to adopt.
Some days I consider getting respite care for him.. like when we all had the flu and I could barely stand let alone hold the monster long enough to feed him a bottle.. but then God reminds me I don't get respite care for my biological kids.. why should I feel like I can pass LG off to essentially strangers for my own convenience as well? We have plenty of folks who have offered to take a shift with the boys to help. and we almost took them up on it. But we managed. God was very VERY kind in allowing justin's quick recovery.. and sparing Otto and Abe from it.
As we speak LG's waking up in his crib.. not surprising since his cough is keeping him up, and he wouldn't drink his bedtime bottle. Pray he'll take one and sleep through the night. We all need a solid nights rest. Free from fevers, chills, boogers and bottles. Yeah right. :)
Love you all.
Thursday, January 5, 2017
What a difference two months makes!!
Since my last post some amazing updates have happened.
1) Lil Guy is crawling and pulling up, babbling and doing great. ECI is ready to discharge him but has offered to keep services going for a bit longer.
2) Baby Abe was born at home November 14. He is about 7 weeks old and doing a great. It is weird to switch back to breastfeeding again after bottlefeeding Lil Guy for 10 months now. I missed the instant bonding and connection... the sleep :) Abe is a great sleeper. Even since I've been down with a cough and fever he's doing well. He just wakes a bit sweatier than normal since I tend to break fevers at night.
3)We had an awesome trip in Grand Junction at our annual regional church conference called faithwalkers. It was amazing to connect and reconnect with so many brothers and sisters we haven't seen in a while. It was also a huge answer to prayer that even though we brought all four boys (Otto 4, Micaiah 2, Lil Guy 10 mos, and Abe 6 weeks) I was able to sit through nearly all of the sessions and 2 seminars (magic shows for the kids.. I'll listen to the rest online when they are posted. It was with lots of community parenting that we managed. Not to mention an awesome stroller(Joovy X2.. side by side double.. fits any ADA standard door, separate lay flat reclining seats. Huge storage. Highly recommended) , and an awesome husband. God was so kind in setting us in an awesome church who loves ALL my kiddos like they were their own. I passed off sleeping babies and cranky babies multiple times with no guilt. Knowing the kids would be blessed and their hearts were willing to serve. What a huge blessing.
4) We have a termination hearing date on January 27. On that day it is planned to terminate mom and unknown father's parental rights. It is bittersweet. We received a very gracious and kind letter from Lil Guy's mom (as did Lil Guy and Caseworker). She is currently in prison across the state. She was so sweet in giving us some back ground, thanking us for our care of Lil Guy and just an overall open door to write letters and send photos. They are letters I will feel comfortable giving to Lil Guy some day... especially because...
5) 90 days after the termination hearing we will get to adopt him! The best part is we do not foresee any hiccups, or accepted appeals, extensions etc that might delay this. The Caseworkers have been clear that no one else has come forward, and all "possible fathers" were not found or did not respond. (The only two mentioned were a "John" from the military and another named Malik something who was very VERY african and did not seem visibly related.. now that doesn't mean its not possible.. but he also never responded to contact) So that's a HUGE announcement and a huge blessing!
We are sad for Lil Guy that no blood relation was willing to take him, but we are also super grateful and super peaceful about adopting him. He has has become an integral piece of our world,. and I can't imagine our home without his drama, and his sweet smiles.. and his temper :)
Here's the hard part. How... do I move forward with wisdom and grace into relationship with Biomom. I've been praying about this a lot. Logistically I'm working out some ideas.. like a Lil Guy email address that we will essentially keep forever and use to email pictures and notes. a PO Box.. but how would that work when we move so frequently?
And emotionally.... The door is open for us to love and encourage her the best we can and be the image of Christ in her life. To let her know we are praying for her. To share the gospel. To invite her to be involved in Lil Guys' life and ours to the extent we find it safe. My fear is moving too fast.. or too slow. What if this is the only chance I get to reach her whileI have her address in jail? What if I push her too hard and she doesn't continue relationship. What if my boldness causes her to spurn Christ, what if my reluctance causes me to lose the chance. It is a ll a conundrum only God can solve. Please be praying for us in this. I feel so burdened for her. I feel burdened for the sake of Lil Guy. I want to know I've done all I can to share the good news of Christ.. I want to see her saved. I want her to meet her son in heaven some day if we don't get to meet her on earth... clean, forgiven, free from addiction, free from guilt. Oh what a day that will be.
What an update!!
Prayer requests:
-healing.. I am sick as a dog and caring for 4 littles while sick makes it hard to recover.
-wisdom for the letter for Lil Guy's momma.
-wisdom for Justin as we contemplate our leftover time in the army. this past 6 months has been kind of a wild adventure in humility and we are about to make some crazy potential changes. Or not :)
1) Lil Guy is crawling and pulling up, babbling and doing great. ECI is ready to discharge him but has offered to keep services going for a bit longer.
4) We have a termination hearing date on January 27. On that day it is planned to terminate mom and unknown father's parental rights. It is bittersweet. We received a very gracious and kind letter from Lil Guy's mom (as did Lil Guy and Caseworker). She is currently in prison across the state. She was so sweet in giving us some back ground, thanking us for our care of Lil Guy and just an overall open door to write letters and send photos. They are letters I will feel comfortable giving to Lil Guy some day... especially because...
5) 90 days after the termination hearing we will get to adopt him! The best part is we do not foresee any hiccups, or accepted appeals, extensions etc that might delay this. The Caseworkers have been clear that no one else has come forward, and all "possible fathers" were not found or did not respond. (The only two mentioned were a "John" from the military and another named Malik something who was very VERY african and did not seem visibly related.. now that doesn't mean its not possible.. but he also never responded to contact) So that's a HUGE announcement and a huge blessing!
We are sad for Lil Guy that no blood relation was willing to take him, but we are also super grateful and super peaceful about adopting him. He has has become an integral piece of our world,. and I can't imagine our home without his drama, and his sweet smiles.. and his temper :)
Here's the hard part. How... do I move forward with wisdom and grace into relationship with Biomom. I've been praying about this a lot. Logistically I'm working out some ideas.. like a Lil Guy email address that we will essentially keep forever and use to email pictures and notes. a PO Box.. but how would that work when we move so frequently?
And emotionally.... The door is open for us to love and encourage her the best we can and be the image of Christ in her life. To let her know we are praying for her. To share the gospel. To invite her to be involved in Lil Guys' life and ours to the extent we find it safe. My fear is moving too fast.. or too slow. What if this is the only chance I get to reach her whileI have her address in jail? What if I push her too hard and she doesn't continue relationship. What if my boldness causes her to spurn Christ, what if my reluctance causes me to lose the chance. It is a ll a conundrum only God can solve. Please be praying for us in this. I feel so burdened for her. I feel burdened for the sake of Lil Guy. I want to know I've done all I can to share the good news of Christ.. I want to see her saved. I want her to meet her son in heaven some day if we don't get to meet her on earth... clean, forgiven, free from addiction, free from guilt. Oh what a day that will be.
What an update!!
Prayer requests:
-healing.. I am sick as a dog and caring for 4 littles while sick makes it hard to recover.
-wisdom for the letter for Lil Guy's momma.
-wisdom for Justin as we contemplate our leftover time in the army. this past 6 months has been kind of a wild adventure in humility and we are about to make some crazy potential changes. Or not :)
Saturday, October 8, 2016
8 months and counting.
It has been a wild year. The wildness continues.
Lil Guy hits 8 months old in about two weeks. He is sitting up on his own, wiggle worming and rolling. Not quite crawling yet but pretty soon I bet. He's eating solid food, still on formula. His reflux and allergies are improving.. his development is right on track (Amen!). He's sweet and giggly and peaceful unless he's hungry poopy or exhausted. He has no teeth. He will be an old man for halloween.
Otto is enjoying and begging for "pre" preschool. So we spend lots of our times on letters and counting and whatnot. I'm in no rush for anything formalized. He's learning plenty in our daily world and a few printables and crafts here and there. He will be Darth Vader for halloween (he has no clue who this is other than from "star wars" which he hasn't even seen other than cartoon versions on netflix once or twice.
Micaiah.. is potty training. I wasn't ready for that at 20 months old but he sure was. He has done pretty well on his own. Still having lots of pee accidents but gets himself to the potty more times than he doesn't so I'm ok with it. I keep him bare bummed in the house and he does ok. I don't do boot camps... I don't do every 10 minutes reminders. I don't want to be trained.. I don't have the time or brain capacity. He either does it.. or he doesn't. We'll be in diapers during naps and nights and out and about for a long while. I have no expectations of having him diaper free by baby Abe. Which means... 3 in diapers.. 1 in pullups at night still. I should by stock in Huggies. Yes we cloth diaper to some degree.. but if you can't tell.. I don't like being a slave to my parenting choices.. so we just go with the flow. He will probably be wolverine or a dinosaur for halloween.. depending on which he decides to wear.
I am due with Baby Abe in about a month and a few days. My mom, sister and nephew will be here for the birth... and possibly Justin too. We are still planning on having a home birth with our awesome midwife that also delivered Micaiah at home. He will be unborn at halloween. I don't have a pregnant costume yet but a whole lot of people want me to be an avocado. I am grateful hubs vetoed that one. And I don't think showing up to the foster care trunk or treat as "beer belly man" "pregnant britney" or any of the other distasteful pregnant costumes would be a wise choice. Probably.. I'll just be lame and pregnant. I've got a purple maternity shirt.. maybe I can pull off eggplant without any work.
As far as our case goes...
So far all the kinship placements the CWs have explored have fallen through or been deemed unfit or however they term it. We were lucky in that the Uncle we were doing visits with sort of just stopped showing up so we never had to deal with any of it. I honestly don't even know if he was officially notified he was "rejected" but I think they were happy he stopped calling so they didn't have to tell him officially. There has also been a cousin and another uncle identified but we haven't heard anything back from them. "no news is good news" is sort of where we are sitting right now. We are at a point where unless some amazing magical family member pops out of the woodwork.. we feel like we are the "best option" for Lil Guy especially as he's settled in to the family. We do know however that it is common for family to show up in the final hours so we are reserving a piece of our reserves and strength for that eventuality. I will say though.. that my prayers have drastically shifted. I am now actively and I believe with God stamp of approval.. praying that Lil Guy gets to stay. I am allowing myself to be fervent, perseverant and bold in these prayers as I truly believe we ARE the best choice, situation, at this point. I do also pray that if a family member pops up that they would be ardent believers as well, and willing to maintain contact with us as extended and Lil Guy's first family.
News on mom... She's requesting photos and potentially visits once she's "out". At first this totally freaked me out as she's been out of the picture and avoiding CPS completely. After talking with LG's caseworker though I realized this is a good thing. She still does not want custody.. doesn't believe she can be a mom.. which under the circumstances of her current addictions is the truth. I'm glad she sees it. The good thing about potential visits is the opportunity to foster some positive connection and relationship with her. She may consider relinquishing rights sooner, easier, faster if she knows us and knows LG is in a good spot.. She may also consider us in the future if further pregnancies occur. That is my biggest fear. It is my understanding she chose NOT to abort Lil Guy only because uncle said he'd take him (I'll forever be grateful to him for that selfless offer). So what about next time. That's my heart. I'm praying for her, praying for positive peaceful visits, for her salvation, for freedom from her addictions, for a full life change..I'd love to have an ongoing positive relationship with her for years to come.
Prayer requests:
-Positive visits with mom
-Continued improvement with Lil Guys allergies.. trying to get off all our allergy meds.
- That he would sleep better.. he's still waking once nightly for a bottle.
-That we would hear back from family and have a clear idea going into our termination hearings whether we will get to adopt or not. The next hearing is december.. termination court in February.
-That we would stay encouraged and peaceful about all the potential outcomes.
-That Lil Guy would continue to experience and enjoy the love of God in our home and through our church family.
Also.. sidenote... if you ever see me print his real name.. let me know.. its hard to remember. :)
Amen.
Lil Guy hits 8 months old in about two weeks. He is sitting up on his own, wiggle worming and rolling. Not quite crawling yet but pretty soon I bet. He's eating solid food, still on formula. His reflux and allergies are improving.. his development is right on track (Amen!). He's sweet and giggly and peaceful unless he's hungry poopy or exhausted. He has no teeth. He will be an old man for halloween.
Otto is enjoying and begging for "pre" preschool. So we spend lots of our times on letters and counting and whatnot. I'm in no rush for anything formalized. He's learning plenty in our daily world and a few printables and crafts here and there. He will be Darth Vader for halloween (he has no clue who this is other than from "star wars" which he hasn't even seen other than cartoon versions on netflix once or twice.
Micaiah.. is potty training. I wasn't ready for that at 20 months old but he sure was. He has done pretty well on his own. Still having lots of pee accidents but gets himself to the potty more times than he doesn't so I'm ok with it. I keep him bare bummed in the house and he does ok. I don't do boot camps... I don't do every 10 minutes reminders. I don't want to be trained.. I don't have the time or brain capacity. He either does it.. or he doesn't. We'll be in diapers during naps and nights and out and about for a long while. I have no expectations of having him diaper free by baby Abe. Which means... 3 in diapers.. 1 in pullups at night still. I should by stock in Huggies. Yes we cloth diaper to some degree.. but if you can't tell.. I don't like being a slave to my parenting choices.. so we just go with the flow. He will probably be wolverine or a dinosaur for halloween.. depending on which he decides to wear.
I am due with Baby Abe in about a month and a few days. My mom, sister and nephew will be here for the birth... and possibly Justin too. We are still planning on having a home birth with our awesome midwife that also delivered Micaiah at home. He will be unborn at halloween. I don't have a pregnant costume yet but a whole lot of people want me to be an avocado. I am grateful hubs vetoed that one. And I don't think showing up to the foster care trunk or treat as "beer belly man" "pregnant britney" or any of the other distasteful pregnant costumes would be a wise choice. Probably.. I'll just be lame and pregnant. I've got a purple maternity shirt.. maybe I can pull off eggplant without any work.
So far all the kinship placements the CWs have explored have fallen through or been deemed unfit or however they term it. We were lucky in that the Uncle we were doing visits with sort of just stopped showing up so we never had to deal with any of it. I honestly don't even know if he was officially notified he was "rejected" but I think they were happy he stopped calling so they didn't have to tell him officially. There has also been a cousin and another uncle identified but we haven't heard anything back from them. "no news is good news" is sort of where we are sitting right now. We are at a point where unless some amazing magical family member pops out of the woodwork.. we feel like we are the "best option" for Lil Guy especially as he's settled in to the family. We do know however that it is common for family to show up in the final hours so we are reserving a piece of our reserves and strength for that eventuality. I will say though.. that my prayers have drastically shifted. I am now actively and I believe with God stamp of approval.. praying that Lil Guy gets to stay. I am allowing myself to be fervent, perseverant and bold in these prayers as I truly believe we ARE the best choice, situation, at this point. I do also pray that if a family member pops up that they would be ardent believers as well, and willing to maintain contact with us as extended and Lil Guy's first family.
News on mom... She's requesting photos and potentially visits once she's "out". At first this totally freaked me out as she's been out of the picture and avoiding CPS completely. After talking with LG's caseworker though I realized this is a good thing. She still does not want custody.. doesn't believe she can be a mom.. which under the circumstances of her current addictions is the truth. I'm glad she sees it. The good thing about potential visits is the opportunity to foster some positive connection and relationship with her. She may consider relinquishing rights sooner, easier, faster if she knows us and knows LG is in a good spot.. She may also consider us in the future if further pregnancies occur. That is my biggest fear. It is my understanding she chose NOT to abort Lil Guy only because uncle said he'd take him (I'll forever be grateful to him for that selfless offer). So what about next time. That's my heart. I'm praying for her, praying for positive peaceful visits, for her salvation, for freedom from her addictions, for a full life change..I'd love to have an ongoing positive relationship with her for years to come.
Prayer requests:
-Positive visits with mom
-Continued improvement with Lil Guys allergies.. trying to get off all our allergy meds.
- That he would sleep better.. he's still waking once nightly for a bottle.
-That we would hear back from family and have a clear idea going into our termination hearings whether we will get to adopt or not. The next hearing is december.. termination court in February.
-That we would stay encouraged and peaceful about all the potential outcomes.
-That Lil Guy would continue to experience and enjoy the love of God in our home and through our church family.
Also.. sidenote... if you ever see me print his real name.. let me know.. its hard to remember. :)
Amen.
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